Take a Hike!

"The mountain exists because [He] made it; In it's majesty it glorifies its creator, not because it 'does' anything, but because it's there."

Last time I posted, I was still in Lima figuring out my next move and putting together some of the harder puzzle pieces that I'd uncovered - so for those of you who thought it was a little intense, this post should be a bit more refreshing.

It might also be partially due to the fact that I'm sitting in a cute little french crepery drinking good coffee - it's always helpful.

For anyone who wants to know what happened after I posted the last entry - it was amazing. I don't know if you've ever publicly outed yourself, but the liberation in it is simply unmatched. Yes, a little (okay, a lot) scary, but I didn't even need feedback to feel like a huge, ugly weight had lifted. So if you ever feel a nudge to just open up and be honest, I definitely recommend it.

So I ended up in Arequipa.

The first thing(s) that caught my attention about it were the huge volcanoes looming over and around the city. The city itself is nice, but once you've been around Peru a little bit all of the Plaza de Armas' look the same, feel the same, etc. So of course, the city walking tour isn't really my thing...but the first thing i did on my trip was chase after a good viewpoint to take pictures of the volcanoes.

I'm a huge volcano fan, if you haven't already noticed, so this is a pretty huge deal. Of course, I don't consider myself a photographer -I have a cracked sony android phone camera lol - but I imagine most photographers know that when you chase down a good viewpoint, it almost always turns into a great adventure. Within a half hour I had already gone off of the 'city tour map' into unknown territory, towards this suuuuuuuper high bridge overlooking the city - I figured that would be the best place. But there was only a dirt road and some dusty, rickety shacks and farmland, and after wandering onto some farmer's land he informed me that I would have to walk up the dusty road, into the industrial park, and climb up some stairs. He didn't tell me that the stairs were part of a plumbing/water treatment/industrial plant, so my feet got nice and icky, but I did end up making it up the super sketchy stairway onto the bridge...that I found out I wasn't allowed to walk on. So I took a taxi across to the other side, that had a larger portion of land on the outside of the bridge to get some good photos. So, for those of you who have seen my instagram photo of Misti, the awesome one...know I was standing on a reeeeeeeally thin cliff suuuuper high above the rocks and the river :) My mother will kill me.

As soon as I saw the volcano I was determined to climb it. But like I said in my last post, I don't think much of my hiking abilities. When I started training with my awesome trainer, she helped me figure out that I have low iron, and if I don't make sure I have iron before I do anything high intensity, I suffer...a lot. Plus, it didn't help that I had failed to climb up Rainbow Mountain due to the altitude, and it was lower than Misti. So I decided to acclimatize to the altitude a little and practice hiking I would do the Colca canyon 2-day trek. Here's a quick trip advisor review: Beautiful place, big climb, early wake up. I learned SO many things on that hike though. I was with a team of people who had all been to Bolivia and so were acclimatized, avid hikers, super duper fit, etc. Really nice folks.

But when we needed to hike up the canyon on day 2, they were in such a rush to get up the canyon, like it was a competition. But for me, we were given no breakfast until we got to the top, which was bad news for me...we took no breaks, and the climb was mostly big inca stairs (I freaking hate big inca stairs), so I fell way, way behind. At first, I was so bummed and insecure about the fact that I couldn't keep up, because I thought it said something about my fitness, or my hiking ability, but mostly I just kept thinking that if I couldn't do the canyon like that then I would never make it up Misti. And I was frustrated for a good hour or so.

But then, the sun came up, and I stopped, and I looked around. Even though I was moving slower than everyone else, I had still climbed so high, and looking around I could see the sun coming up over the canyon, the pinks and oranges and purples in the sky, the INCREDIBLE mountains. Later I found out that my team had raced to the top, and were EXHAUSTED, and could only talk about how hard of a climb it was, whereas even though it had been tough, and my climb had taken double their time, I wasn't tired, but rejuvenated - I recounted how beautiful it had been to watch the sun come up, and they had missed it.

Going up, I wanted to cancel my Misti climb, because I based my ability to hike on how well other people could do it - and isn't that how we assess ourselves on everything? As if I'm not beautiful just because I don't have the hair, facial structure, body, etc. of someone else. As if I'm not a good artist because I can't paint or draw the same as someone else. AS IF I'm not moving simply because I don't have a husband, house, career that others have. Comparison KILLS us, cripples us, and causes us to back down from something that we don't realize we're powerful enough to accomplish, just by being persistent. For me, the only word I needed to hear was 'one foot in front of the other'. It doesn't matter how long it takes you, if you need to stop and take a look around to remind yourself why you're there, if you need to move slow to make sure you don't burn yourself out, there's no timeline.

I'm not smacking the gavel down on my teammates either, because we all go at our own pace.

But I know for me, if I had looked at the end as a goal rather than taking the journey in, I would have burned myself out trying to get there, continued getting frustrated when I needed to slow down, and I wouldn't have enjoyed it. But knowing there was no one judging me but me, it made the whole thing more enjoyable. Suddenly my heart was grateful, and I realized that if I went at my pace and never burned out, I could literally do anything- because we can only go at a high speed for so long, but if you just move you never have to stop.

So I climbed Misti. And it was amazing. And I never got sick, and I never burned out. I moved a little slow, but my muscles never got exhausted and my heart never got overwhelmed, even when we got to 5000m of altitude. Every time I would get tired I would just hear that same phrase 'one foot in front of the other' and it kept me moving - and I enjoyed every minute of it. And I do believe the only reason I didn't summit, is because the guy I was with got sick and wanted to go back, but the guide who was with us couldn't keep going and walk him back to camp. At first, I told him I wanted to continue - so he gave this young guy vague directions to get back to basecamp. But it was 2am, pitch black, with no reference point, and we were in the middle of a giant blizzard, and I know if it was me I would totally get lost...so I decided I was content, and we all went back and everyone got back to camp safely. Apparently no one made it, because the rest of the team got sick from the snow and the altitude. But it was an incredible time.

Basically, I feel like after the giant revelation in my last post where Jesus uncovered my weaknesses, He's been teaching me how to trade that instead for His truths. Where I have always thought I needed to be somewhere He said 'no, just move your feet', And where I thought I wasn't good enough, His response is 'compared to whom?'. When I do something thoughtful that I don't even realize is thoughtful, He points out that those are the reasons He loves my heart, and those are the ways He wants to use me - not just in the ways that I'm trying to do all these huge things, because anyone can do a good deed, but it's in the fact that He's made my heart to be that way. I may not be fast, or totally put together, but I'm incredibly persistent - and when I have the right mindset, I have the ability to continue moving as long as I need to.

Sometimes it's tough, but as long as you keep moving your feet, you'll keep moving.

And sometimes all you can focus on is a single step, but that's enough to keep you going until you get through to the next part. And when you look back, you might remember the hard bits, but when you look back at everything: the views, the climb, the memories, the laughs, the cries (maybe), and the experience as a whole....you never see the pain alone, but as just a piece of your incredible life.

So live your incredible life, and know that you're not comparable to anyone else - break free from that, and go at your own pace...you'll get there :)

Love you guys!