"Just as velocity can only be measured by looking at more than one point in time, such is [His] work."
So it's been three months.
I was planning on posting one more time before I actually left Peru, but just as God demolished most of my other plans while I was there, I found I really couldn't find anything to say. Now I know why.
When I left, I was so confused and overwhelmed by a whole mess of feelings - some sad, some glad, some angry, some determined - and I didn't know where I sat with everything. In addition to that, I was overnight at a terrible airport (yes, I'm referring to the Lima airport, it's not my favorite) and people are already generally grumpy at airports, so I had that kind of clouding my writer's mind. But now that I'm back in Canada, I really only feel one thing:
Gratefulness!
First I thought I would be sad to come home and leave my new friends and the country I spent the last few months falling in Love with, but from the moment I stepped off the plane I've just been flooded with so much gladness and joy. This country is my home, and I don't think I've ever felt that way until now. I think part of the reason is that I don't feel like I've left anything behind. We have just as many sights and beautiful views in Alberta as I saw in Peru, and the lessons I learned came right along with me. The people I met there (thanks to Facebook) are still connected to me ---so really, I came home with soooo much more than I left with, and I don't just mean coffee...but I have a lot of that too.
The last week that I spent in Lima has everything to do with my heart being overwhelmed by gratitude. When I headed back to Lima from the Amazon, I basically thought my trip was over. I had learned a bunch of lessons, figured out my next footstep, seen and done amazing things, and I thought I was ready. I had finally accepted that my trip had not been about serving, but about finding my boldness in the Spirit and learning what that means, who it means I am, and who God is.
In true God fashion though, He delivered more than just 'enough'. This wonderful lady that I met at church at the beginning of my trip invited me to join the last day of a mission trip she was leading. The team was from Florida, they had been down in Peru for the whole week building houses in a very poor community on the outskirts of Lima, and it was to be their final day in the community praying blessings over the new houses and the families who would live in them.
I will never be able to explain fully how much of a blessing that was. First of all, to come in on the last day after all of their hard work and be part of the blessings - if Jesus was all about the work, I'd be pretty shamed for that. It's like the little red hen when she bakes the bread herself and then the other animals want a share of the result and she goes 'Nuh-uh'. So that was humbling - to be loved and thanked for something I didn't even do, to have the privilege of taking part in blessing people in a community when I had done nothing there to deserve being a part of the glory...
...that's Jesus, guys.
It's not about the work. The work was a blessing for these families, but the bigger blessing is the relationship. Anyone can build a house. It's the fact that people love and care for them enough to take notice of their situation and offer a helping hand - and there are a lot of hands that help out. Though I only got to spend the last day with that team, I was invited to spend the FIRST day of the next mission team. So yes, I did get to help build a house - but it wasn't the hard work that I anticipated. As soon as we started working, a couple of hundred people (mostly women) in the community came to help, passing bags of sand, carrying supplies, laughing and talking and BONDING.
Something important that I learned that day is that work, just plain old hard work by itself, without love or community - it's worthless; just like everything else. Hard work isn't wrong, it's necessary! And Jesus would never discount hard work - He was a carpenter! Where we often get it wrong is we think just by getting all of this stuff done we're helping people. By getting as much done as fast as we possibly can, by increasing our efficiency and our independence, we're actually progressing. But are we? If we spend all of our time rushing from one place to another trying to help everyone but never actually building relationship with anyone, we're missing so much. This tiny community in Lima was so poor they were living in tiny shanty shacks with severely polluted water, little to no plumbing, on completely infertile land (it's a desert mountain). And when one of us stepped in to lend a hand, they all stepped in. That's what the mission was, friends. Building houses is a great thing, but bringing a community together so they can hold each other up even after we leave - that's a miracle, and that's Jesus.
Not to mention the fact that God used those opportunities to invite me to step out in the boldness and authority and humility that He'd been teaching me throughout the trip! Visions, encouraging words for a team of people I didn't even know, leading me to pray in boldness for things I knew nothing about, just acting on things He has taught me are good. He built friendships between me and people I literally knew for one day, we told testimonies about our lives, what He has done - and it created so much of a bond.
Which is why I don't feel like I'm leaving anything behind. These people, the community of Santa Rosita, I'm so truly convinced I'll see them again as my family in Heaven one day that I don't feel like goodbye was a thing. The fact that we are all of the same Spirit, kind of makes me feel like we're all together in this even if we're working towards different details of the same big goal. Overseas missions, at home missions, just living our our faith with our friends and family...it's all part of one big mission: Love one another - go and make disciples.
I actually LOVED being there and functioning mostly as an observer. I feel so blessed to have been able to stand back while the team said their tearful goodbyes and take pictures to bless them with memories where they were too busy loving people to capture themselves. And just witnessing the way the team leaders hold each other up, rely on God for His leading and His provision, and lead their organization by the Spirit. The coolest part was to get to know them as friends rather than leaders. I heard their stories, got to see how they lived out their faith through them, how they still face struggles - and I learned that a real, Christ-following leader is not the strong-willed, independent, too-busy-for-anyone human being bogged down in work trying to manage and control everything, but someone who is vulnerable, Christ-dependent, trusting, humble, and bold. These men and women who run the organization are so joyful in the Lord that just the way they live makes you want to ask them questions about who they are and why they are, and that's how I feel so much of the world is going to change. And now they're part of my familia :)
Like I said, there's so much I'm grateful for. I've gone through my pictures, videos, blog posts, journal entries, etc. so many times, and I still can't really grasp what this trip has been. It was only three months, but it was a wilderness experience that I don't think I could ever replicate. It wasn't always easy - the first month and a half I basically hated it. But after that, when I started to get into the groove of things, I really started to fall in love with it.
It's funny, my last day (my birthday!) I was walking along the Malecon (waterfront) in Miraflores one last time and I remembered the first week I stayed in Lima, I was just exploring, I was taking a lot of pictures, I was nervous and apprehensive about everything around me, I was useless at speaking in the Spanish language...and I realized walking along the last day that I was different. Not just because I got to know that place, but I had somehow developed a confidence that I didn't have before. Even walking after dark, I had so much more peace! And of course, with a little bit of some rad music in my ears, that last walk along the malecon was the perfect final activity before I headed out - it left a pretty good image in my brain to last a little while ;
In the spirit of keeping my gratefulness alive, I think I'm going to try being grateful for one specific thing per day, and really praying into it, no matter how small it seems to be. I heard in a sermon once that we never really thank God for seemingly simple things like our eyes or ears, the fact that we can see color, or walk - when in reality those are things we are blessed with, and there are others who don't have those things. They absolutely are blessed with other things and are by no means to be pitied or deprived, we're all different and have different things to be grateful for.
Today, I choose good plumbing. After spending the last few months throwing toilet paper in garbage cans, having cold showers, and drinking only bottled water, I think that's a pretty good one to be thankful for, especially since that was me staying in the nice areas of the cities in Peru...people living in the less developed and poorer regions in Peru sometimes don't have those things at all. So today, I am so, so SO thankful for plumbing. I pray that the people who need it will be provided with it, and that the people who have it would realize just how much of a miracle it actually is.
I've decided I'm going to keep writing and posting, so if you'd like to stay tuned feel free! For those of you at home in Edmonton, I'll see you soon! For those of you in Peru, Florida, Van, and all over the rest of the globe...I'll see you again ;)
And as always, I love you all!
-B. <3
